Burning Wings
by ForeverFullofLight
Summary: Everything happens in one second. Team Free Will, fighting as always, and then Cas is stabbed. And everything falls apart.
1. Chapter 1

"Cas!"

Dean hadn't seen the demon come from behind Cas, already struggling with his own son a a bitch to fight. He noticed a second too late the shinny sliver blade just before the demon stabbed Cas in the back, in front of his eyes.

What was happening?

After killing the demon in front of him, Dean went deaf for a second, the sounds muffled and his vision became fuzzy. Fear and dread filled his mind at the thought of Cas. Cas hurt. Cas dying.

No. He wouldn't let that happen, he wouldn't-

Standing still, he saw Sam running closer toward Cas' body, silently and slowly falling to the ground. Sam called his name, trying to make him react in any way possible but Dean couldn't move. He just watched Sam trying to catch Cas in his fall, dirt now covering his clothes and his trenchcoat.

"Dean..."

He suddenly heard his name. Not from Sam yelling at him, but from Cas. He managed to hear the faint whisper despite everything else. And then everything came back to him in one second. The voices, the whispers, the hisses of pain, the blood. The blood everywhere.

He had to move. Now.

Dean found himself running to them, but his knees gave out as he approached his brother and his... and Cas. Taking a deep breath to try to calm his mind he realized he had made a big mistake when all he could smell was death and blood.

"Cas. Cas, buddy, it's fine it's okay. We're gonna get you outta here. Sam let's go"

But his brother wasn't moving. Just staying there, hands on his knees, a defeated look on his face.

"Dean. He was stabbed by an angel blade. We have no cure for that."

The truth of his words sounded so wrong in Dean's ears. No, there's always something we could do, we could-

"Dean..."

This gravelly voice again. Dean's look turned down to the speaker and he found it unbearable as he saw Cas' weary face glancing at him, thick red blood coming out of his mouth and Cas' hand, heavy and shaking coming to take his own in a tight embrace.

"It's alright Dean"

This is when Dean noticed the light glowing and expanding underneath Cas' skin.

"Cas come on, please, wait!"

With a slight tilt of his head, Cas, oh god, smiled, a slight curve forming on his lips.

"Cas please, don't do this, don't do this. I don't have enough time I can't-

His voice dropped when he felt Cas' fingers on his lips, silencing him.

"It's okay Dean. I know, I've always known"

He knows. Oh god he knows. If only he hadn't been that stupid, if only-

"I'm sorry Cas, I'm sorry"

"Cas started coughing, his breath heavy and slowing. The light started to glow again, with much more intensity, and Dean knew it was the end. There was nothing he could do now, right? It was too late.

"Close your eyes Dean. Dean..."

Light started to emane from the Angel, blurring slightly his features, his head going to rest in Dean's arms as Castiel released his last breathe, still staring at him with his bright blue eyes where had now vanished any signs of life.

couldn't be was just a nightmare, just a nightmare.

"Cas?" He heard his own voice break at the sudden rush of pain in his guts. He couldn't breath. God, he couldn't breath.

"Cas! No. No no no come on man. Stop it buddy, wake up now. CAS WAKE UP!"

He hadn't meant to scream but this white light was getting too intense to keep his eyes open, but it was taking Cas away and now he could barely see his face anymore. And he didn't want to let go, he just couldn't let him heard something, screams, maybe coming from Sam? He didn't know until he had to take a deep breath, his throat burning and his heart clenching in agony, and he realized he was the one screaming Cas' name.

"Please don't do this to me come back COME BACK. I love you please, please Cas I'm sorry I'm sorry"

He felt a hand try to take him away form the body, but Dean didn't want to move. The last thing he saw was again these ocean blue eyes, looking up at him, the last thing he saw before his closed his eyes under the burning of the light in his bones, on his body, and in his heart.  
When he opened his eyes again, everything was still. The silence was heavy. When Dean opened his eyes again, he saw dark, blue, giant and beautiful wings craved in the concrete, and Cas' lifeless body resting on the ground.


	2. Chapter 2

They decided to burn the body the next day.

On their way back to the bunker, Dean had insisted to drive his Baby despite Sam's concern. After Cas died, the younger Winchester offered to take himself the corpse so they could bury it but Dean wouldn't give in, saying he wanted to hold it until they get to the car.

Sam thought he saw never going to see the end of it. It took at least half an hour for his older brother to get there, just because he had to stop and keep his breath steady, try to keep his knees form giving up under him when he kept taking a look at Cas' body in my arms every five seconds. He couldn't imagine what was going on in his brother's head, and he wasn't sure he even wanted to know.

Sam opened the door and stepped back to let his brother put the body in the backseat, still ignoring Sam's help. Dean let out huge sigh when he laid Cas gently at the back of the car, and turned back to get a grip on the diver's seat. He closed his eyes, trying to compose himself. He just- didn't want to think right now.

"Give me the keys Dean"

"I'm fine Sam, I wanna drive"

Frowning slightly, Sam got a grip on Dean's shoulders.

"You're sure?"

Without a word, Dean nodded and entered the car while Sam sat on the passenger seat. The road was long until they arrived to the bunker. Hands gripping the wheel, Dean was trying to focus on the road in front of him but time to time he just couldn't help himself and looked into the rear-view mirror. Cas's body was still there, unmoving. But when the car hit a pot-hole on the road, Cas' arm previously resting on his chest fell limply beside him, lifelessly.

Cas. Cas was dead.

He suddenly gripped the wheel at both hands until his knuckles went white, his eyes burning. But he wouldn't, he wouldn't let any tears fall, he promised himself. The rest of the road passed quickly enough and when they got to the bunker, the night was barely starting to fall. Without a second thought, Dean got out of the car and carried Cas' body, not waiting for his bother's assistance.

Finally coming back home. But it would never feel the same way again, right? Because Dean held the Angel's dead body, and lifted him on the library's table, and Cas, his Cas, was dead and... he was never going to come back this time.

It was over.

Dean felt the pain, the sadness and the rage rising inside him but couldn't let it out. God they had already lost so much, so many people and now he just couldn't believe that Cas was gone too.

"Where do you think we should bury him?"

Sam's voice resonated in his ears. Oh yes, they had to do something with the body, they couldn't leave Cas here.

"I think we should burn him instead. A proper hunter burial, you know."

Cas had always fought for them, with them, and if he was really going to leave, he would leave like Hunters did, because he was one. Part of the family business in his own angelic way. But not anymore.

And here they were. While Sam went out to gather sticks for the firewood, Dean stayed inside. The shroud in hands, he started to wrap Cas' body in the white sheet, covering his trenchcoat, his blue tie. Dean stopped at his head.

Cas' face was white, and cold, and still. Tracks of dry blood covered some parts of his face. Dean couldn't bear to see him like that. As gently as he could, he erased every marks on his face.

It almost looked like he was just sleeping now.

Dean sighed as he took one last look at Cas' face before covering it. When Sam came back, both brothers carried the body outside. The night had fallen since then, it was a cold night and the silence prevailed. After settling the body among the sticks, Dean took his lighter and set it on fire. The wood bursted into flames, burning the body with it.

Only Sam's hand on his shoulder stopped Dean form extinguish the fire. He wished so bad to stop all this, and get Cas' back. He couldn't bear to look at this, the body burning right before his eyes because it meant-

"I'll be inside Dean" Sam said. He looked up at his older brother. Sam knew Dean had a different relationship with Cas than he and the Angel had, and he knew how hard Dean will have to fight to get over this, because he had lived through the same thing when he lost Jess so many years ago. He was still dreaming of her sometimes, dreaming about the life they would have had together. Now the same thing was happening to his older brother, and he knew how agonizing it was.

Finally left alone, Dean teared his eyes away from the fire and looked up at the stars. Maybe Cas was there, somewhere upstairs, in his own personal heaven maybe. He hoped it was that way, that the Angel could finally rest in peace now, away from wars and conflicts like he always wanted. Watching the bees instead.

"You know Cas, I never thought you'd die before us. You were an angel, you were kinda supposed to live forever and continue living long after us."

Dean thought he would feel stupid, talking to nobody, but he wanted to imagine that Cas was listening, because he always listened to Dean's payers right? Everyone of them. So he supposed he could hear him now, he wished it was true.

"I can't believe you're gone buddy. I keep expecting you to just- pop up behind me and telling me I'm stupid and of course you always comes back. I don't know if I'll ever stop hoping you coming back to us. But I won't forget. You hear that Cas? Everything you did, for humanity, for us, everything you sacrificed so we could win, how you fought right 'til the end... We'll never forget it."

Dean could still feel the heat of the fire on his face, and now the taste of ashes on his tongue. He knew alcohol would not erase it this time, and he didn't want to get drunk despite how it would be able to drown the pain and bury it, at least for a couple of hours, but Cas didn't deserved that.

"Do you think it could have worked? I'm just a pathetic little human and you're the Angel here, but I'd like to think... we could have worked, in a way or another. Actually I was terrified that- I would lose you then. I tried with Cassie, with Lisa, and Ben... Every time I let myself care for someone, I always lost them at the end, and I didn't wanted this to happen to you. I suppose it was useless, you're still gone anyway now."

"We owe you so much Cas. You were family, and you saved us so many freaking times. You sacrificed yourself more than once and you almost died for that. I don't know if we properly thanked you for all you did for us. You were a good man, or Angel whatever. I just sorry it had to end like this. I'm just- I'm sorry Cas."

Dean gave a last nod to the sky, and turned back to the bunker, leaving behind him the warmth of the fire while a last word escaped him, carried by the wind, reminder of some painful memories and a new beginning.

"See you then"

Dean's brain disconnected as soon as he entered the bunker again. Everything was still and silent. Sam had left, leaving him some time alone.

He couldn't erase form his mind the moment in that barn, almost the same in which they met. He was still able to see evey detail of it even through he just wanted to forget. How the demon stabbed Cas in the back, how he fell to the ground, how Dean held him as he died, and that bright light burning everything around him. And he couldn't forget. The images kept flashing before his eyes.

Dean was still standing at the middle of the room, jaw clenched. And minutes passed. Dean had no idea how many of these minutes he has spent standing here, but he knew Sam had appeared in the room and was glancing at him with pity in his eyes.

He didn't need that, he didn't need people telling him they were sorry with a sad expression on their faces like he was sure everybody will do, he just- he just wanted Cas back.

Was it really so much to ask? After everything, EVERY DAMN THINGS they sacrificed for this planet, he had to lose Cas too?! Dean had promised himself he wouldn't cry but the pain was like a burning ache in every cell of his body like he almost never felt before, just when he lost for the first time his brother or when Mary died. Another member of his family had died and this time he couldn't bring him back and it was killing him.

He felt his breathing rising and it felt like suffocating. This wasn't just a nightmare, it was real and Cas would never pass through the bunker's doors again, or tilt his head like he always did, and he would never watch any other classic movies with the brothers, and he would never watch over him again. Cas was definitely gone.

And he never had the courage to tell him that he loved him. And he broke. Without thinking, Dean grabbed whatever was whithin his reach to throw it violently across the room with all the rage and pain he felt inside him. The books, the papers, the lamps, everything was being falling apart, just like him. He broke and threw everything he could find, pulling the chairs and tables upside-down, smashing the glasses and the mirrors on the ground with his bare bloody red hands.

And, just like this, he stopped, struggling to catch his breath. He feel exhausted, empty. Dean fell finally to the ground, letting his muscles give up as unexpected tears washed over his face. An haunted look on his features, he couldn't see anything but the despair keeping him to the ground. Still in the middle of chaos.

Now Cas had left his mark on him, just like the handprint on his shoulder now gone, but this one would never go away. He slowly lifted his sleeves and the bottom of his shirt, where the forms and the patterns of these dark blue wings were now craved on his sink, as a reminder of all they had been through.

And it would stay there, forever.


End file.
